Deep Redemption Read online

  The sonographer cleared her throat. I stood and faced her, and her skin paled. She shakily handed me a small photograph.

  “You can get dressed now,” she said to Mae. “I’ll give you some privacy.” She scurried out of the room like her ass was on fire, not once looking back. Mae laughed quietly. She kicked her legs over the side of the bed and looked back over her shoulder. For a second I was taken aback by how fucking beautiful she was. She was mine, had been mine for a fucking while now, but I still couldn’t believe how the hell I landed someone like her. I was a fucking retard mute. She was a damn angel made in heaven.

  But maybe she was handcrafted just for me.

  I circled the bed and opened her thighs, stepping between them. “W-what’re y-you l-l-laughin’ at?”

  Mae shook her head and placed her hand on my chest. “You, terrifying the nurses. From the moment we entered this hospital every single person has cleared a path for us and stared at you with wide, fearful eyes.” Her finger tapped the “Prez” patch on my cut. “I think that title may have something to do with it. That and the devil on your back.”

  “Y-you th-think, babe?” I joked dryly and Mae laughed again. Needing to take her lips once more, I did, wrapping my hand in her long black hair. Mae moaned into my mouth and her hot tongue met mine. My cock throbbed in my jeans, and I had to force myself to pull away or I’d be taking Mae on that bed. Not that any fucker in this hospital would stop us, they wouldn’t dare, but Mae wouldn’t want to be embarrassed. She was still pure. Still somehow uncorrupted by this fucking outlaw life.

  Pulling away, I pressed my forehead to hers and breathed deeply. “I . . . I fuckin’ l-l-love you.” I lifted up the photograph. “That’s our f-fuckin’ b-baby.”

  Eyes glistening, Mae took hold of the photo and stared at the image. Her finger ran over the curve of our baby’s head and body. “He or she is so beautiful,” she said. I could already hear the love for him or her in her voice. She sighed. “I wonder if it is a girl or a boy?”

  My head raced with the same question. Mae looked at me and I shrugged. She laid her hand on my cheek. “A little boy who looks just like his papa. Hazel eyes and dark hair. Handsome and strong. A born leader.”

  I swallowed and stepped back. I knew I wouldn’t be able to speak without stuttering through every damn word, so I signed, “Or a little girl like you. Black hair and wolf eyes. Most fuckin’ beautiful girl in the world, besides her mama.” My damn black heart missed a beat at that thought. Another little Mae. She’d wreck me the second I met her.

  Two fucking women to worry about.

  Mae’s smile faded. She looked at the picture again, a small frown on her face. “W-What?” I asked. Mae took a deep breath. She didn’t say anything, so I lifted her head with my hands and demanded, “T-Talk to m-me.”

  Mae’s eyes closed for a moment. “I just think it is safer in the world if you are born a boy. If we had a girl, if she looked like me . . . ” My chest tightened. I understood where she was going with this crock of shit. “I would look at her and worry about someone hurting her.” Mae’s face paled. “I could not bear that, Styx. I could not bear our baby to be hurt. If she was beautiful . . . the sinful thoughts some men have . . . ”

  My hands shook as I lifted them to sign. “It’d never fuckin’ happen. I’d kill any fucker that tried to touch a damn hair on her head. I’d rip off their sick cocks if they even glanced at her. I’m the fuckin’ prez of the hardest fuckin’ club in the States. She’d have an army of protectors ‘round her.”

  Mae watched my hands, and color began returning to her cheeks. “I know you would,” she said quietly. She pulled her black tank down over her slightly rounded stomach. “I just keep worrying that something will go wrong.” She let out a quiet, frightened cry. “I have no idea what I am doing. Every day I wonder if today will be the day I somehow fail at this. I could not bear to be a bad mother.”

  Reaching out, I made her stand and pulled her into my chest. Mae’s slim arms wrapped around my waist. I felt her begin to relax, and I almost fucking melted when she said, “I love you, River. More than life, do you know that? You are the best thing that ever happened to me.”

  The sonographer came back into the room. I wanted to shout and tell her to get the fuck back out. But Mae stepped back from me, and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders instead. “If you’re ready you can leave, Mrs. Nash,” the sonographer muttered. “Everything is fine.”

  I fucking loved hearing my surname on Mae. It wasn’t legit yet, but I was hoping that one day soon it fucking would be. Mae nodded and I led her out of the room. I barely noticed the wide berth everyone gave us as we passed. The only reason I noticed at all was because Mae was laughing lightly into my chest.

  I sighed. I couldn’t have prayed for a better bitch to stand by my side.

  I cranked the music high as I drove back to the club, a little black metal to lead us home. Mae spent the entire time staring at the picture, a breathless fucking smile on her face and her eyes shining with tears. A fucking dream.

  A girl. I wanted that kid in her stomach to be a girl.

  An hour later we pulled up to the compound, Smiler waving us through from the new watchtower. Since the clusterfuck that was the cult freaks last attack, we’d made this place into a motherfucking fort.

  We got out of the truck and made our way inside. The minute we entered the clubhouse, I heard a loud squeal, and Beauty came gunning for Mae. The bitch practically tackled the brothers in her way. “Did you get it? Let me see! Was everything okay?”

  Mae laughed and released my hand as Beauty took the picture from her and started fucking squealing again. Bitch was giving me a fucking migraine. “Mae!” Beauty whispered, “So goddamn perfect, sweetie.”

  I looked across the room and caught Viking watching us from the pool table, AK beside him, taking his shot. “So?” Viking shouted over Beauty’s high-pitched earfuck, drawing everyone’s attention. “You manage to shoot for two or just an everyday pussy with one?” The redheaded brother waggled his eyebrows. I flicked him the middle finger.

  He shook his head. “Just one then.” He shrugged. “Not everyone can have super swimmers like me.”

  “How the fuck would you know? You got kids you ain’t told us about?” AK asked, leaning on his pool cue.

  “Nah, not that I fuckin’ know of.” He grabbed his dick. “Just know I have great power within these ginger nuts. I’ll be boomin’ out triplets at a time. Gonna need me a fuckin’ harem to keep them satisfied.”

  “Fuck, just what the world needs. More fuckin’ Vikings,” Cowboy drawled from the bar. Hush, his fellow Cajun and damn shadow, smirked in response.

  I looked to my right and saw Maddie getting off Flame’s lap. As always, they were sitting at the back of the room on their own. Still had no fucking clue about how the fuck they worked, what the hell their life looked like back in his cabin, but Mae’s sister had kept him from going nuclear, so I didn’t fucking care. His scarred arm was wrapped around her waist like a vise, but he reluctantly let her go, tapping his finger on the chair in sets of eleven the minute she was gone. His black eyes tracked her as she walked to Mae and hugged her sister.

  Fucking. Crazy.

  A hand slapped on my shoulder. I turned to see it belonged to Ky. Lifting my hands, I signed, “Was wondering where the fuck you were. You’ve been a fuckin’ ghost this past week.”

  “Been around,” he said vaguely. He looked down at the picture Mae was holding.

  Lilah arrived, taking the picture from Mae’s hand. Tears immediately came to her blue eyes. “Mae,” Lilah said quietly and laid her head on my woman’s shoulder. Mae kissed her short blond hair.

  Ky was staring at his wife, a fucking devastated look on his face. I frowned. Ky must have felt me watching; he turned and forced a smile onto his face.

  I tipped my chin, silently asking him what was wrong. He shook his head and stepped back, a shit-eating grin hiding whatever the fuck it was. It was forced. I
knew him as well as I knew myself. Something was wrong.

  “We getting this church started or what? Some of us have fuckin’ places to go to!” Ky shouted to the men in the room.

  My brothers began filing into church, casting strange looks at their VP. Ky ignored every one of them. Instead he looked back to his wife, who was listening to Mae talking about the sonogram. There was a shit-ton of hurt in my brother’s eyes. But, why, I had had no fucking idea.

  I took my seat at the head of the table, determined to find out what the fuck was going on after church. Vike called for Lil’ Ash, who instantly appeared at the doorway. Lil’ Ash, Flame’s younger brother, our newest prospect, aged sixteen. The kid already looked like a miniature Flame; now he had some ink—a skull on his neck, the beginnings of two sleeves and a chest piece—a bottom lip piercing and black gauges in his ears, he looked even more so.

  “We need liquor,” Viking said. Lil’ Ash nodded his head. When the kid went to get the sauce, Flame glared at Vike. “What the fuck you lookin’ at?” Vike asked.

  Flame’s lips slowly ran over his teeth. “You don’t fuckin’ order him about. It makes me wanna slice my fuckin’ blade through your skull when you do. He’s not a fuckin’ slave.”

  “He’s a prospect. Gotta earn the patch, brother. As for wanting to kill me, that’s no different to every other fuckin’ day,” Vike said, sitting back as if Flame wasn’t planning his death with his crazed fucking eyes.

  “Y’all shut the fuck up,” Ky snapped. Every brother looked his way when we realized that he meant it. He looked to me. “Can we get this shit started or what?”

  I slowly nodded my head. Lil’ Ash returned with three bottles of Jack and a tray of glasses. He handed them out to the brothers, Flame glaring at Viking the whole time. Vike showed some fucking sense for once and kept his damn mouth shut. I slammed the gavel on the table and signed, “Any business before I hand out runs?” Ky translated, like he always did. His voice was flat and strained.

  Tanner leaned forward. “Not sure if it’s anything, but the Klan just took a huge fuckin’ shipment of guns.”

  “Suspicious?” Bull asked.

  Tanner shrugged. “Sometimes we would get more if we expected new contracts.”

  “Or?” Hush asked, running his hand over his shaved head.

  “If we were gearin’ up for some kinda war,” Tanner answered. “There’s no sign that it’s got anythin’ to do with us. Just wanted y’all to be aware that it happened.”

  “Keep asking whoever gets you your info. If there’s more shit comin’ our way, we wanna know in time to get prepared,” I signed and Ky translated.

  Tanner nodded.

  “Anything else?” Ky asked, speaking before I could. The brothers shook their heads. Ky pulled a sheet of crumpled paper from his cut and slammed it on the table. “There’s the runs and drops for this week. Godspeed, fuckers.”

  Ky got to his feet and grabbed a bottle of Jack from Viking’s hands.

  “What the fuck?” Viking shouted, but Ky was already smoke. I was pissed at my best friend leaving before the gavel was struck, but I forced it back. The brother was clearly in pain. I slammed the gavel to the hardwood table, got to my feet and went in search of my VP.

  I saw Lilah coming back in through the back doors of the clubhouse, her face pale, eyes red. When she saw me approach, she sighed. “He is outside.”

  She went back to Mae and the other bitches sitting around on couches, fawning over the sonogram. Ky’s bitch smiled and nodded, but her expressions were flat, her fucking eyes were just as dead as Ky’s had been.

  I left through the back door and found Ky sitting on the farthest bench. The brother had already drunk a quarter of the bottle. It’d been nearly full only minutes ago.

  I sat down and saw Ky’s body tense. If it was anyone else, I knew he’d tell them to fuck off. But it was me. I wouldn’t be going anywhere and he couldn’t do fuck all about it.

  “Y-You g-gonna tell me wh-what the f-fuck is g-going on?” I asked, stuttering all the merry fucking way. Didn’t care. This was Ky. The stutter was nothing to him.

  Ky didn’t give me an answer, just kept knocking back the bourbon. He stared out over the surrounding forest, not saying shit. Ky Willis was never quiet; it was fucking impossible to shut his fucking smart mouth.

  “Cute kid you look like you’re havin’, Prez,” he said, his voice getting rougher and deeper as he spoke. He didn’t move for a good few seconds, then turned his head to me and said, “Real happy for you, Styx. Real fuckin’ happy. You and your bitch deserve this.”

  My eyebrows pulled together when I saw his eyes getting red. Ky turned his head away. “T-tell me what th-the fuck is wr-wrong.”

  Ky’s head tipped back and he stared at the sky. He took a few deep breaths, then his head dropped forward again. “Li was pregnant.”

  My eyes widened, excitement for my brother building . . . then I realized he’d said was. Ice filled my veins, and my stomach fucking dropped to the ground.

  “Ky.” I didn’t know what else to damn well say.

  Ky took a drink from his bottle, then sagged on the bench, broken. “We didn’t even know she was. Woke up last week with her bleedin’ and hurtin’ like fuck.”

  “Wh-wh-wh . . . ” My words stuck in my throat. I signed, “What?”

  Ky nodded slowly. “Took her to the hospital that night. Didn’t tell no one; Li didn’t want to. She suspected what it was, so didn’t want Mae or Maddie to know. She’d been sick for a few days but thought she just had a cold. Turns out we were losin’ the baby we didn’t even know she was carryin’.”

  I closed my eyes when I thought back to us walking into the clubhouse, Mae holding our sonogram picture proudly. All fucking smiles. She’d be devastated if she knew about Lilah. And I knew she didn’t; Mae told me everything.

  Unable to find words, I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and pulled my brother close. I kissed him on the head and heard him sigh deeply. When he lifted up, I could see the fucking tears in his eyes. “Went to the hospital a few days ago for tests. Docs don’t think Li will be able to carry, too much trauma from . . . ” He let the end of the sentence hang in the air.

  “The cult,” I finished, for once stutter-free.

  Ky downed another five gulps of liquor and nodded. “Yeah. Fuckers gang raped my bitch and now those cunts are the reason I ain’t gonna be a papa anytime soon. Worse still, Li ain’t gonna be a mama.” He laughed without humor. “She’d have been a fuckin’ good mama, Styx. So damn kind and pure, ya know?” Something stabbed in my stomach at how fucking sad he sounded. Ky leaned forward, pushing his hand through his long blond hair. “She has too much scar tissue from the gang rape, among a shit-ton of other things. Needs surgery to fix it if she’s to have any chance of having kids one day. Even then it might never happen. Best outcome, she’ll have a slim hope in hell’s chance. She goes in next week, ‘cause she still wants to cling to that hope, ya know? She still wants a fuckin’ chance for us to be parents even if it’s never likely to happen.” A choked sound came from his chest. “Tells me she still wants to do it for me. So I can be a papa like I deserve. To have a son to carry on my name . . . Christ . . . ”

  Ky drank again then shook his head. “All those doctors and nurses looked at me and my patch like I was the reason she was so fucked up inside. I swear, man, I was one fuckin’ word away from stabbing them all in their throats. Lilah practically broke my hand tryin’ to keep me calm.”

  I slapped my hand on his back. Ky laughed again. A friggin’ broken, agonized laugh. “Just when I think we’ve seen the back of those cult fuckers, something happens to bring them back into our lives. They’re like herpes—impossible to fuckin’ kill.”

  “I’m sorry,” I signed. “You should have told me.”

  “You’re happy, Styx. No reason to bring you down. This shit is just what it is. She’s my fuckin’ woman; it’s my pain to deal with.”

  I took the bottle of Jack from Ky�
��s hand and took a long drink. Ky sighed, but I heard the anger bubbling inside, saw the fury racking his face. “I swear, brother,” he said, his tone graveled and cold, “if I could walk into that fuckin’ commune I would. And I’d kill every one of those pedophilic cunts. I’d skin Rider, toss his dead body on a fire for standing by and letting them do it to her. But Judah, the psycho twin that ordered all that shit on Li, I’d really have fun with that piece of shit.” Ky’s voice cracked and my heart fucking broke for him. “I’ve sinned. Fuck knows I have. I deserve to be punished. But Li? She’s the sweetest bitch there is, yet this happens to her? Not only is she raped over and over by those sick cunts, then she’s burned, lashed. She scars up her beautiful face because she thinks she’s devil-created . . . and now she might not be able to have kids? How the fuck is any of this fair?”

  Tears dropped from Ky’s eyes. I was about to speak when someone moved past me.

  Lilah.

  “Ky, baby,” Lilah cried softly. Ky lifted his head. He turned his face away from his wife, but she made him look at her. Bending down, she wrapped her arms around Ky’s head and my brother fucking fell apart against Lilah’s chest.

  “Shh,” she soothed. I stood up to walk away. Lilah reached for my arm. “I will tell Mae and Maddie, I promise. I could never keep this from them for long.” She paused, then added, “But let Mae enjoy this day. She deserves to be happy without worry. Because she will worry for me, she always does . . . it will break her heart.”

  I nodded my head and mouthed, “I’m sorry.” Lilah smiled, then turned back to her husband, my best friend, a fucking mess in his wife’s arms. I walked slowly back to the clubhouse, anger boiling within me with each step. Ky was right. Those cult fuckers hadn’t paid for doing that to his woman. Not nearly enough. They hadn’t paid for what they’d done to Mae—hell, for little Maddie, too.

  The sound of laughter hit me as I stepped inside. I walked right to Mae, needing her in my fucking arms. I pulled her from her seat, only to slip beneath her and reposition her on my lap. I wrapped my arms around her as she and Beauty talked. My hands found their way to her stomach. Mae handed me the sonogram and I stared at the little grainy image. I stared and I stared, all the time feeling like shit for my brother and his bitch, falling apart outside.